my Xu Zhimo

好的，世界，你沒有騙我，
　你沒有冤我，
你說怎麼來是怎麼來，
你的信用倒真是不壞。
打我是個孩子我常躺
在青草地裏對著天望，
說實話我從不曾希冀
　人生有多麼艷麗。

打頭兒你說，你常在說，
　你說了又說，
你在那雲天裏，山林間，
散播著你的神秘的語言：
「有多人愛我愛過了火，
有的態度始終是溫和，
也有老沒有把我瞧起，
　到死還是那怪僻。

「我可從不曾過份應承，
　孩子；從不過份；
做人紅黑是這麼回事，」
你要我明白你的意思。
正虧你把話說在頭裏，
我不躊躇的信定了你，
要不然每年來的煩惱
　我怎麼支持得了？

He Never Expected Much
[or]
A Consideration
[A reflection] on My Eighty-Sixth Birthday

Well, World, you have kept faith with me,
　　　　　Kept faith with me;
Upon the whole you have proved to be
　　　Much as you said you were.
Since as a child I used to lie
Upon the leaze and watch the sky,
Never, I own, expected I
　　　That life would all be fair.

'Twas then you said, and since have said,
　　　　　Times since have said,
In that mysterious voice you shed
　　　From clouds and hills around:
"Many have loved me desperately,
Many with smooth serenity,
While some have shown contempt of me
　　　Till they dropped underground.

"I do not promise overmuch,
　　　　　Child; overmuch;
Just neutral-tinted haps and such,"
　　　You said to minds like mine.
Wise warning for your credit's sake!
Which I for one failed not to take,
And hence could stem such strain and ache
　　　As each year might assign.

From Winter Words, 1928

天上一個星瞅著我望，
它說：「這兒我跟你，
躭著，你在下，我在上：
你想打什麼主意，──打什麼主意？」

我說：「我怎麼能得知，
等著吧，讓時光往前挪，
總有一天見分曉！」「可不是，」
那是說：「我也這麼說：──我也這麼說。」

見〈厭世的哈提〉

Waiting Both

A star looks down at me,
And says: 'Here I and you
Stand, each in our degree:
What do you mean to do, -
　　　Mean to do?'

I say: 'For all I know,
Wait, and let Time go by,
Till my change come.' - 'Just so,'
The star says: 'So Mean I: -
　　　So mean I.'

From Human Shows, Far Phantasies, Songs and Trifles, 1925

她們倆同出去坐船玩：
　我的太太與我鄰居的太太；
我獨自在家裏坐著──
　來了一個婦人，我的性命她，
我們一起坐著說著話，
　不提防天氣隱起了變化，
烏雲一陣陣的湧起，
　我不由的提心──害怕。

果然報來了消息，
　說那船已經沉沒，
淹死了一個太太，
　是那一位可不明白：
我心想這是誰呢，
　是我的鄰居還是她，
淹死在無情的水底，
　永遠再不得回家？
第二次消息又傳到，
　說死的是我的朋友的她。

我不由的失聲的歎息，
　「這回自由了的，是他！」
但他可不能樂意，
　鬆放了我不更佳！
「可是又何嘗不合式呢？」
　冷冷的插話，我愛的她，
「這怎麼講，」我逼著問。
　「因為他愛我也與你一般深，
因此──你看──可不是一樣，
　管她死的是誰的夫人？」

十一月四日

原載《晨報副刊》一九二四年時一月十三日

The Two Wives
(Smoker's Club-Story)

I waited at home all the while they were boating together -
　　　　My wife and my near neighbour's wife:
　　Till there entered a woman I loved more than life,
And we sat and sat on, and beheld the uprising dark weather,
　　　　With a sense that some mischief was rife.

Tidings came that the boat had capsized, and that one of the ladies
　　　　Was drowned - which of them was unknown:
　　And I marvelled - my friend's wife? - or was it my own
Who had gone in such wise to the land where the sun as the shade is?
　　　　- We learnt it was his had so gone.

Then I cried in unrest: 'He is free! But no good is releasing
　　　　To him as it would be to me!'
　　'- But it is,' said the woman I loved, quietly.
'How?' I asked her. '- Because he has long loved me too without ceasing,
　　　　And it's just the same thing, don't you see.'

From Late Lyrics and Earlier, 1922

褪色了，斑駁了，這園裏的座椅，
原先站得穩穩的，現在陷落在土裏；
　早晚就會憑空倒下去的，
　早晚就會憑空倒下去的。

在夜裏大紅的花朵看似黑的，
曾經在此坐過的又回來坐地；
　他們坐著，滿滿的一排全是的，
　他們坐著，滿滿的一排全是的。

他們坐著這椅座可不往下沉，
冬天動不著他們洪水也冲不了他們，
　因為他們的身子是空氣似的輕，
　他們的身子是像空氣似的輕。

原載《晨報副刊》一九二四年十月二十九日

The Garden Seat

Its former green is blue and thin,
And its once firm legs sink in and in;
Soon it will break down unaware,
Soon it will break down unaware.

At night when reddest flowers are black
Those who once sat thereon come back;
Quite a row of them sitting there,
Quite a row of them sitting there.

With them the seat does not break down,
Nor winter freeze them, nor floods drown,
For they are as light as upper air,
They are as light as upper air!

For Late Lyrics and Earlier, 1922

在清朝時過一座教堂，
再過去望見海濱的黃沙，
正午過一處烟黑的村莊，
下午過一座森林，黑橡與赤楊，
　　最後瞥見了在月台上的她：

她不曾見我，這光艷的妙影。
我自問，「你敢在此下車，為她：」
但我坐在車廂裏躊躇未定，
車輪已經離站開行。冥頑！
　　假如你曾經下車，為她！

原載《晨報‧文學旬刊》一九二四年六月一日

Faintheart in a Railway Train

At nine in the morning there passed a church,
At ten there passed me by the sea,
At twelve a town of smoke and smirch,
At two a forest of oak and birch,
　　And then, on a platform, she:

A radiant stranger, who saw not me.
I said, 'Get out to her do I dare?'
But I kept my seat in my seach for a plea,
And the wheels moved on. O could it but be
　　That I had alighted there!

From Late Lyrics and Earlier, 1922

「現在你是倦了老了的，不錯，月，
　　但在你年青的時候，
　你倒是看著了些個什麼花頭？」
「阿！我的眼福真不小，有的事兒甜，
　　有的莊嚴，也有叫人悲愁，
　黑夜，白天，看不完那些寒心事件，
　　在我年青的時候。」

「你是那麼孤高那麼遠，真是的，月，
　　但在你年少的時光，
　你倒是轉著些個怎麼樣的感想？」
「阿我的感想，那樣不叫我低著頭
　　想，新鮮的變舊，少壯的亡，
　民族的興衰，人類的瘋癲與荒謬，
　　那樣不動我的感想？」

「你是遠離著我們這個世界，月，
　　但你在天空裏轉動，
　有什麼事兒打岔你自在的心胸？」
「阿，怎麼沒有，打岔的事兒當然有，
　　地面上異樣的徵角商宮，
　說是人道的音樂，在半空裏漂浮，
　　打岔我自在的轉動。」

「你倒是乾脆發表依據總話，月，
　　你已然看透了這回事，
　人生究竟是有還是沒有意思？」
「阿，一句總話，把它比作一台戲，
　　儘做怎不叫人煩死，
　上帝他早開喝一聲『閉幕』，
　　我早就看膩了這回事。」

To the Moon

　'What have you looked at, Moon,
　　In your time,
　Now long past your prime?'
'O, I have looked at, often looked at
　　Sweet, sublime,
Sore things, shudderful, night and noon
　　In my time.'

　'What have you mused on, Moon,
　　In your day,
　So aloof, so far away?'
'O, I have mused on, often mused on
　　Growth, decay,
Nations alive, dead, mad, aswoon,
　　In my day!'

　'Have you much wondered, Moon,
　　On your rounds,
　Self-wrapt, beyond Earth's bounds?'
'Yea, I have wondered, often wondered
　　At the sounds
Reaching me of the human tune
　　On my rounds.'

　'What do you think of it, Moon,
　　As you go?
　Is Life much, or no?
'O, I think of it, often think of it
　　As a show
God ought surely to shut up soon,
　　As I go.'

From Moments of Vision, 1917

星一那晚上我關上了我的門，
心想你滿不是我心裏的人，
此後見不見面都不關要緊。

到了星期二那晚上我又想到
你的思想；你的心腸，你的面貌，
到底不比得平常，有點兒妙。

星三那晚上我又想起了你，
想你我要合成一體總是不易，
就說機會又叫你我湊在一起。

星四中上我思想又換了樣；
我還是喜歡你，我倆正不妨
親近的住著，管它是短是長。

星五那天我感到一陣心震，
當我望著你住的那個鄉村，
說來你還是我親愛的，我自認，

到了星期六你充滿了我的思想，
整個的你在我的心裏發亮，
女性的美那樣不在你的身上？

像是隻順風的海鷗向著海飛，
到星期晚上我簡直的發了迷，
還做什麼人這輩子要沒有你！

A Week

On Monday night I closed my door,
And thought you were not as heretofore,
And little cared if we met no more.

I seemed on Tuesday night to trace
Something beyond mere commonplace
In your ideas, and heart, and face.

On Wednesday I did not opine
Your life would ever be one with mine,
Though if it were we should well combine.

On Thursday noon I liked you well,
And fondly felt that we must dwell
Not far apart, whatever befell.

On Friday it was with a thrill
In gazing towards your distant vill
I owned you were my dear one still.

I saw you wholly to my mind
On Saturday - even one who shrined
All that was best of womankind.

As whing-clipt sea-gull for the sea
On Sunday night I longed for thee,
Without whom life were waste to me!

From Satires of Circumstance, 1914

要是我與他在那兒
　老飯店裏碰頭，
彼此還不是朋友，
　一同喝茶，一起吃酒。

但是碰巧彼此當兵
　他對著我瞄準，
我對著他放槍，
　我結果了他的性命。

我打死他為的是
　為他是我的敵人，
對呀：我的敵人他當然是；
　那還有什麼疑問？

又是他為什麼當兵：
　還不是與我一樣倒運，
無非是為活不了命，
　當兵，做砲火的冤魂。

說是；這打仗真古怪！
　你打死他，一樣一個人，
要是在飯店裏碰著他，
　也許對喝老酒三斤。

原載《晨報副刊》一九二四年九月二十八日。又名〈我打死的他〉，刊一九二四年九月二十二日《時事新報‧學燈》

The Man He Killed

　　'Had he and I but met
　　By some old ancient inn,
We should have set us down to wet
　　Right many a nipperkin!

　　'But ranged as infantry,
　　And staring face to face,
I shot at him as he at me,
　　And killed him in his place.

　　'I shot him dead because -
　　Because he was my foe,
Just so: my foe of course he was;
　　That's clear enough; although

　　'He thought he'd 'list, perhaps,
　　Off-hand like - just as I -
Was out of work - had sold his traps -
　　No other reason why.

　　'Yes; quaint and curious war is!
　　You shoot a fellow down
You'd treat if met where any bar is,
　　Or help to half-a-crown.'

1902

From Time's Laughingstocks, 1909

那是她從前的窗，
　窗前的燭燄，
透露著示意的幽光，
　「我在此間！」

如今，還同從前，我見她
　在玻窗上移動；
啊：那是我的幻想的浮誇，
　喚起她的嬌容！──

不論在海上，在陸地，在夢裏，
　她永遠不離我的心眼，
任憑世上有滄海與桑田的變異，
　我永遠保有她的婉委。

這般的姿態，又溫柔，又嬌羞，我愛，
　誰能說你不美？
憐憫我的孤寂與憂愁，你常來，
　我的戀愛的鬼！

一九二四年作；未發表，收台灣傳記文學出版社版全集一

In the Mind's Eye

That was once her casement,
　And the taper nigh,
Shining from within there,
　Beckoned, 'Here am I!'

Now, as then, I see her
　Moving at the pane;
Ah; 'tis but her phantom
　Borne within my brain! -

Foremost in my vision
　Everywhere goes she;
Change dissolves the landscapes,
　She abides with me.

Shape so sweet and shy, Dear,
　Who can say thee any?
Never once do I, Dear,
　Wish thy ghost away.

From Time's Laughingstocks, 1909

急風打著窗，震響的門樞，
　大風呼呼的，狂掃過青草地，
在這里的我，在那里的你，
　中間隔離著途程百里！

假如我們的離異，我愛，
　只是這深夜的風與雨
只是這間隔著的百餘里，
　我心中許還有微笑的生機。

但在你我間的那個離異，我愛，
　不比那可以短縮的距離，
不比那可以消歇的風雨，
　更比那不盡的光陰，窈遠無期！

十二年十二月十日

原載《小說月報》十四卷十二號一九二三年十二月

The Division

Rain on the windows, creaking doors,
　　With blasts that besom the green,
And I am here, and you are there,
　　And a hundred miles between!

O were it but the weather, Dear,
　　O were it but the miles
That summed up all our severance,
　　There might be room for smiles.

But that thwart thing betwixt us twain,
　　Which nothing cleaves or clears,
Is more than distance, Dear, or rain,
　　And longer than the years!

1893

From Time's Laughingstocks, 1909